雅思大作文6分范文分析-“未来没人会买纸质报纸或书籍”

2020-06-29 09:30:42来源:网络作者: 素素阅读量:

  雅思大作文A类与G类有什么区别?这个问题应该是不少雅思考生都比较想了解的问题,虽然G类更偏重生活中一些“接地气”的话题,但很多话题其实是G类和A类都会考到的。这里为大家分享G类也会出现的一道剑15A类题目及范文搬运并附分析,帮助大家积累ideas和话题词汇。内容来源网络,希望对大家能够有所帮助!

  学习方法建议:读题-思考ideas-阅读范文和译文-分析扣题和论述是否充分-结合考官评语和组长解析提升对评分标准的理解-结合题目梳理ideas和话题词汇。

  以下题目和范文来自剑15-A-Test3。

  题目:

雅思大作文6分范文分析-“未来没人会买纸质报纸或书籍”

  审题:与G类相比,A类大作文题目的表述会复杂一点,不认真读题很可能会遗漏关键信息导致论述不充分。这道题包括三个部分:“未来”、“没人会买纸质报纸或书籍”、“在线免费阅读所有东西”,写作任务是“多大程度同意或不同意”。这道题采取部分同意会比较好写:“虽然我相信以后人们可以在线阅读所有东西,但我不同意没人买纸质报纸和杂志”。

  范文:6分,343words,保留了所有错误,注意识别。

  Today 's technologies enable us to read books on electronic devices and, what's more, we can store hundreds of thousands of books on devices like Amazon's kindle e-reader. This makes some people believe that people will stop printing books and in the future, everything will be digitalized.

  译文:现代科技是我们能够在电子设备上看书,而且可以把成百上千本书储存在像亚马逊的Kindle这种设备上。这让很多人认为以后人们会不再印书,所有东西都会数字化。

  组长解析:开头段对题目的改述不够充分,虽然对印刷品、在线阅读进行了回应,但完全没有提到without paying,很可能是没有认真充分读题就开始动笔造成的,考场上一定要读题三遍,画出所有关键词,再围绕关键词思考ideas。agree/disagree题型应在开头段给出个人立场,回应写作任务。

  Electronic books and newspapers have many advantages. They are easy to use and research. They can be stored in computers, mobiles, e-readers and in clouds in huge amounts and are available at anytime. The cost of manufacturing and printing was completely removed, which reduced their price. Digital books and newspapers also have one very important advantage - they are environmentally friendly. No paper is used to print magazines and books, which means fewer trees are cut from our forests to produce paper. All of these factors convinced many people that digital versions of books and magazines are more convenient, ethical and cheaper choices.

  译文:电子书和报纸有很多优势。它们方便使用和查找。它们可以被大量地存储在电脑、手机、电子阅读设备和云端并且随时查看。制造和印刷的成本完全被省掉,因此价格也会便宜。数字版图书和报纸还有一个非常重要的好处,环保。人们不再用纸来印刷报纸和杂志,意味着用于造纸的森林砍伐会减少。这些因素让很多人相信数字版图书和杂志是更为方便、道德、便宜的选择。

  组长解析:除非采取“完全同意”的态度,这道题无论是“部分同意”还是“完全不同意”都需要对纸媒的优势进行论述,这一段的ideas值得参考。

  On the other hand, traditional printed books and magazines have existed for centuries and I believe they have created some kind of emotional connection and value for people. When a man reads a book and he likes it, he most probably would like to have it in the form of a tangible thing. Books are a form of art, like statues and paintings. You can have a picture of some famous paintings, but the painting itself has some intangible value. Magazines and newspapers do not have such value in themselves. Based on this, I believe that the amount of books printed will decrease considerably and maybe even dramatically. However, printed, tangible books will still be demanded by many people as they have some aura and value in addition to the things that are written inside.

  译文:另一方面,传统的印刷书籍和杂志已经有几个世纪的历史,我觉得他们已经给人们创造了某种情感关系和价值。当一个人读喜欢的书的时候,他很可能会喜欢拿它在手里。书和雕像、绘画类似,是一种艺术形式。你可以有名画的照片,但名画本身有无形的价值。杂志和报纸没有这种价值。基于此,我认为印刷书的数量会大幅减少。但是,仍然会有很多人需要印刷的可触摸的书,因为除了内容,它们还有一些氛围和价值的东西。

  组长解析:这一段的论述不够扣题,观点也不够清晰,没有说明纸媒、网络阅读、免费的关系,而且与结尾段连起来看让读者搞不清楚考生的立场到底是什么。

  I do think, though, that there is a big chance magazines and newspapers will move into the online world completely. This is because they are published in huge numbers daily and weekly and monthly and no one needs them after years. Printing so huge amount of articles will demand additional resources and make them less competitive even in terms of price.

  译文:我认为杂志和报纸很可能会完全网络化。因为每天每周每月都大量出版报纸和杂志,多年后没人会需要他们。印大量的文章会需要额外的资源而且在价格上没有竞争力。

  组长解析:结尾段给出了个人观点,但和前文的联系并不紧密,前文一直在说纸媒的好处,似乎是“部分同意”的立场,但结尾却说“没人需要”,似乎是“完全同意”的立场,观点不清晰,影响TR和CC。建议结尾段写作与开头段呼应,重申观点并总结全文。

  考官评语:这篇作文很有想法,作者分析了网络材料与印刷材料相比的优势,以及在报纸杂志等印刷材料可能会完全数字化的背景下纸质书不会完全消失的原因。题目中有paying,但文中对cost的论述太简略,如果能更充分地解释说明在线材料是否会免费,TR分数会更高。CC方面,逻辑清晰,分段合理,连接方式使用恰当,如All of these factours, On the other hand, Based on this等。词汇丰富,使用了搭配,如electronics devices, Digital book and newspapers, environmetally friendly, digital versions, traditional printed books, emotional connection and value等,只有两处拼写错误,rech应该是reach,recouces应该是resources。综合使用了简单句和复杂句,准确度总体可以,存在的错误包括Todays应该是Today's,to read book应为books,makes some people to believe 应该是makes some people believe,digital versions of books...is 应该是are , printing so应该是such a huge amount of articles,但这些错误没有影响意思表达。

  补充:(1)审题对写作总体表现有很大的决定作用,准确理解题目论述需要,全面回应题中关键信息,才能确保ideas扣题和论述充分。(2)构思是雅思写作最关键的环节,在认真、充分审题的基础上,明确个人立场/观点,并用简洁准确的语言写好开头段观点句,这能确保全文观点清晰一直不跑题和结构合理。(3)丰富的话题可以提升TR和LR表现,积累都在平时,上述考官评语中提到的词汇、词伙、错误,都应该充分吸收,提升表达的自然地道程度并避免错误。

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